Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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