well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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