turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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