he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
