google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
