I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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