btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize