OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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