if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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