They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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