So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
