WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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