pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
