remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
