I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
