I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
