I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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