The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
