And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
