I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
i believe in u and ur pee
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
