im gay
i know
yea but for you.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
