none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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