The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
