so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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