I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
