you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
