I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
