I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
