Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
