Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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