Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
