Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
