he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Of course I have a pirate flag
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
