were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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