I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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