He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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