Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
