mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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