she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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