I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
