Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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