i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
