maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize