i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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