hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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