I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Randomize
