oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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