I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
