I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
