so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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