so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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