Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You dont lie about slip and slides
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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