TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
