i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
