I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
