You just made me feel so damn special
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
