Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
