I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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