Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize