So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
