so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize