i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
