i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
