I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
