I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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