he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
