i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize