Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
